Extra Safe Space #60
Tricking A Generous Friend After Wrecking Her Dress
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Shit, I just spilled red wine all down a cream-colored dress I borrowed from my best friend (who still lives in Louisiana and I am in New Jersey now). I was visiting her last month and asked if I could borrow it for an event today. She didn't want to lend it to me because she says I always wreck things. And I did. So I'm going to lie and tell her that I am mailing it back and then say it must've gotten lost in the mail. Is that bad? Would you ever do that? Also, if you have better ideas for how I can cover it up, let me know.
I have a friend that is a Benign Chaos Agent™️- she’s forever dropping a mug, knocking over the recycling bin, etc. She came to see our new empty house after buying it and sat in the only chair…that’s corner promptly gauged out a bit of the wall. All that said she’s brilliant and funny and an actual PhD! I just know how she is and I bet the loaner of the dress already clocks her friend’s (even unintentional) inability to return items undamaged. So don’t lie to them - they’re gonna know and then you’re gonna appear even grimier by trying to pull this. The wine was an accident - the cover up is where you get to decide what kind of friend you want to be. Truthfully what I would do is take it to a trusted dry cleaner that may be able to fix it - if it looks SPOTLESS, then fine, decided how transparent you want to be. But if it’s not, it’s time to save your coins for a replacement. Otherwise you’re a dirtbag and no matter how hard you try to convince yourself it’s fine, you’re gonna feel guilty (or maybe you weren’t raised Catholic too….).
I would come clean (sorry), take accountability for pressuring my friend to lend me the dress when they didn’t want to, apologize profusely and offer to replace it or get it dry cleaned, accept that i do wreck things and ask myself why. Oh, and i would definitely stop borrowing things that are cream coloured (or wearing them).
One of the main reasons I would do it that way instead of the way you proposed is because lying feels gross to me. I don’t need extra cause for guilt or paranoia - I’m good.
I think you would feel better if you were honest and genuine with your friend.
I would also ask myself if I was hurt by them saying I wreck everything, and why I felt that way. And then assess why I insisted on wearing the pale dress and creating this scenario. Back to all black dresses only, future self.
Sending lots of love either way: accidents happen, please give yourself lots of grace.