Here’s All The Music You Need To Never Be Passive Aggressive Again

You can just listen to this really good playlist or obsess over it and make it deeper and more dramatic than it has to be.

This is a still from a video of me when I completely dissociated mid video because Duran Duran’s “Save a Prayer” started playing. This playlist doesn’t have Duran Duran, but this is an accurate portrayal of me on the subway to our greasy moody playlist, too. Join me to get this kinda glow.

If you don’t already know, I’m on a quest to fall in love with life again. I’m not going the traditional route mostly because it never worked for me — I’m too ADHD to meditate properly. Every time I try the most annoying songs play on a loop, all at the same time, while getting progressively louder while my 7th grade math teacher does TikTok dances in the background. Gratitude lists tend to give me more anxiety than pleasure. Traditional affirmations are too hard to believe and generalized, and I can’t help but picture millennial pink tiles with pseudo-retro bubble letters that say something like “IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY” and that kind of branding makes me lose the ability to feel human emotion again which makes matters worse. 

So here’s my version of an affirmation that actually works for me and is way more fun: playlists. Hyper-specific, mood-altering playlists. Science says music releases dopamine, the same happy chemical you get from chocolate or falling in love. So what better way to help you process emotions and reconnect you with parts of yourself you didn’t even know were missing!

And if there’s one thing I love, it’s a good theme — parties, costumes, decor, hotels — you get it. So let’s choose a theme of self. Part of falling in love with life is falling in love with every part of you, even the bits you didn’t know existed.

Here’s a playlist for your inner grunge indie icon who believes hair-washing is optional, the disillusioned yet intriguing star of a grainy 16mm film.

Here’s my theory: If we give our angsty, moody, self-absorbed, self-righteous side of ourselves a chance to breathe and exist consciously, and find the deliciousness of the feeling, maybe we won’t let that angst build up and unleash it on our unassuming coworker. Maybe there will be less passive aggressive “per my last email”s in the world, or reasons to send “per my last email”s.  

What? You don’t poetically hold a yellow rose in a random bed when you’re in a mood? That’s because you haven’t listened to this playlist yet. I got you.

I love putting this on and slightly dissociating on the subway, letting all of the feelings I didn’t let myself feel come up with zero real story attached. I put on my most moody outfit with my deep burnt cherry/ burgundy lip (honestly, why is this so hard to find. I don’t want cool-toned lips!!! I’m already looking like the Corpse Bride with my eye sockets, I can’t do cool-toned on top of it. I wanna look like I made out with Hellfire circa 1999 and lived to tell the tale! Like I have life pouring out of my lips! I’ll write a whole piece on the lip combos that achieve this, I promise.) Anyway, it feels so GOOD to laugh at myself and cringe but also to feel and assume a character I constantly try to micromanage into behaving all the time, whether I’m aware of it or not.

This is the closest to the lip I found without blending a bunch together and I don't remember the damn name. But see!! Scars of tonguing Hellfire circa 1996! And I didn’t get consent to post anyone’s photo so I cropped them but only kinda – I need proof that I have human contact.

I’m a moody, angsty bitch! And I can’t give my partner cryptic one-liners when I’m in a mood anymore before sighing out of the room, so I’m doing this instead. And I always feel renewed after this, a little steadier and inspired. I always get the best ideas, insights, and, honestly, outfits. 

Put on this playlist and go out. Walk aimlessly like you’re the main character in a coming-of-age film and see what happens. Head to a park, a coffee shop, a random street corner — somewhere you can observe life without being part of it. Bring a notebook, sketchpad, big headphones. You’re the main character.  So no, that’s not a cigarette butt on the sidewalk, it’s a metaphor, a plot twist, a sign. Think plastic bags blowing in the wind. See what comes up and where you go. 

Now go on and throw on your rattiest flannel, and let’s bring back that unapologetic, greasy-haired, heart-on-your-sleeve, angsty energy.

By the way, I’m calling it now — true grunge is coming back in full force and the new music is about to be amazing. It’s not going to be indie rock or soft grunge, I’m talking about new music akin to Nine Inch Nails, Alice in Chains, etc.  It’s going to impact all art. I cannot wait.