Your perspective is fascinating and I'm so grateful you shared it here. Thank you! Looking at these pictures, I feel like each of you could have an It Happened To Me of your own, probably all very different. I also want to know: How did your siblings and parents feel about this piece??
They were very supportive of it! I was talking with my mom the whole way through writing it! This is also a topic my siblings are very familiar with as we’ve all talked about it before together. The feeling of displacement, especially which wasn’t one-sided. We have all felt that in different ways. But we’ve become incredibly close since then and are happy to have each other.💗
Thank you so much for your thoughtful words, Jane! I have always been amazed by Virginia’s ability to articulate her experiences so vividly, even when they challenge my own perspective. As her mother, it is not always easy to hear that parts of her childhood were not perfect. Still, I am so grateful for this piece because it offers a much-needed lens into how fostering has shaped her and our family.
What began as a decision that—looking back—might have seemed hasty or poorly planned has turned out to be one of the most transformative experiences of our lives. Fostering has brought us incredible challenges but also boundless joy and the “completion” of our wild, crazy, chaotic family.
I do feel I should clarify, however: as a special education attorney advocating for children with disabilities in foster care, when I “came home from work one day with a teenage girl and told [them] she would be living with us,” I did not just scoop her up at random! There is a bit more structure to that story (though I can see how it must have felt spontaneous and random to a ten-year-old at the time).
Thank you for giving Virginia this platform to share her voice. And you are absolutely right—every member of our family could likely write their own “It Happened To Me,” each with entirely different stories and perspectives. Perhaps one day they will!
What a beautiful and beautifully written comment. I love hearing your perspective too – and appreciate your letting your daughter tell her story the way that she wants to without "correcting" any of it from your own memories. I would be challenged by that myself as a mom, but it's clearly important to do. And whenever your other children want to write their chapters, I will publish the whole anthology! Thank you for bringing unique Virginia into our lives!
This is a beautiful piece, V! I have known you your whole life and yes, I have asked your parents how all the kids handled the transition, but never asked the bio kids! From my perspective, you handle everything life throws at you with grace and compassion, and a healthy dose of humor. Though sometimes chaotic, your family exudes love, and that has always been inspiring to me. Thank you for sharing your perspective and helping me see a different side of your family.
I’ve read countless articles from the perspectives of foster parents and foster children, but I never paused to consider the viewpoint of the biological children already living in the home. This article opened my eyes in ways I didn’t expect—it was absolutely remarkable and offered an entirely fresh perspective. Thank you for sharing such an incredible piece!
I felt the same way when I first saw the headline and story description and realized that I had never heard this perspective. I'm so glad you appreciated the piece too!
Reading your article took me back to my childhood, growing up in children’s homes. The experiences you describe, the sudden arrival of new kids, the complicated emotions, and the feeling that your space is no longer yours resonated deeply with me. People often look at foster families and see only the ‘heroic’ side, but they don’t always appreciate just how tough it can be for everyone involved, especially the bio-kids. That sense of both wanting to connect and feeling displaced simultaneously is so real.
I also get how heartbreaking it can be when you finally let yourself bond with a sibling, only for them to leave. Kids came and went in the children’s homes, and sometimes, they’d vanish without so much as a goodbye. Like you, I learned that DNA doesn't make a family; love does. It’s about who stays, who cares, and who tries to understand you. It’s messy and imperfect, but when true connections form, they can change your life.
Thank you for giving such an honest glimpse into what it’s like to be a bio-kid in a foster family. So many people don’t realise that it’s not just the parents signing up for foster care, it’s the kids, too, and you’re shouldering a lot of responsibility at a young age. You captured all those layers of confusion, frustration, joy, and love perfectly. It’s a reminder that, even when it’s challenging, opening your heart to new siblings can create bonds that last a lifetime.
Absolutely love your honesty and perspective! You also totally made me cry! ❤️ You and HB have always carried yourselves so well. Thank you for sharing your side! You are clearly not alone and your honesty can be so helpful to others in your position.
Your perspective is fascinating and I'm so grateful you shared it here. Thank you! Looking at these pictures, I feel like each of you could have an It Happened To Me of your own, probably all very different. I also want to know: How did your siblings and parents feel about this piece??
They were very supportive of it! I was talking with my mom the whole way through writing it! This is also a topic my siblings are very familiar with as we’ve all talked about it before together. The feeling of displacement, especially which wasn’t one-sided. We have all felt that in different ways. But we’ve become incredibly close since then and are happy to have each other.💗
Thank you so much for your thoughtful words, Jane! I have always been amazed by Virginia’s ability to articulate her experiences so vividly, even when they challenge my own perspective. As her mother, it is not always easy to hear that parts of her childhood were not perfect. Still, I am so grateful for this piece because it offers a much-needed lens into how fostering has shaped her and our family.
What began as a decision that—looking back—might have seemed hasty or poorly planned has turned out to be one of the most transformative experiences of our lives. Fostering has brought us incredible challenges but also boundless joy and the “completion” of our wild, crazy, chaotic family.
I do feel I should clarify, however: as a special education attorney advocating for children with disabilities in foster care, when I “came home from work one day with a teenage girl and told [them] she would be living with us,” I did not just scoop her up at random! There is a bit more structure to that story (though I can see how it must have felt spontaneous and random to a ten-year-old at the time).
Thank you for giving Virginia this platform to share her voice. And you are absolutely right—every member of our family could likely write their own “It Happened To Me,” each with entirely different stories and perspectives. Perhaps one day they will!
What a beautiful and beautifully written comment. I love hearing your perspective too – and appreciate your letting your daughter tell her story the way that she wants to without "correcting" any of it from your own memories. I would be challenged by that myself as a mom, but it's clearly important to do. And whenever your other children want to write their chapters, I will publish the whole anthology! Thank you for bringing unique Virginia into our lives!
This is a beautiful piece, V! I have known you your whole life and yes, I have asked your parents how all the kids handled the transition, but never asked the bio kids! From my perspective, you handle everything life throws at you with grace and compassion, and a healthy dose of humor. Though sometimes chaotic, your family exudes love, and that has always been inspiring to me. Thank you for sharing your perspective and helping me see a different side of your family.
I’ve read countless articles from the perspectives of foster parents and foster children, but I never paused to consider the viewpoint of the biological children already living in the home. This article opened my eyes in ways I didn’t expect—it was absolutely remarkable and offered an entirely fresh perspective. Thank you for sharing such an incredible piece!
I felt the same way when I first saw the headline and story description and realized that I had never heard this perspective. I'm so glad you appreciated the piece too!
Thank you for listening to my story!🥰
Reading your article took me back to my childhood, growing up in children’s homes. The experiences you describe, the sudden arrival of new kids, the complicated emotions, and the feeling that your space is no longer yours resonated deeply with me. People often look at foster families and see only the ‘heroic’ side, but they don’t always appreciate just how tough it can be for everyone involved, especially the bio-kids. That sense of both wanting to connect and feeling displaced simultaneously is so real.
I also get how heartbreaking it can be when you finally let yourself bond with a sibling, only for them to leave. Kids came and went in the children’s homes, and sometimes, they’d vanish without so much as a goodbye. Like you, I learned that DNA doesn't make a family; love does. It’s about who stays, who cares, and who tries to understand you. It’s messy and imperfect, but when true connections form, they can change your life.
Thank you for giving such an honest glimpse into what it’s like to be a bio-kid in a foster family. So many people don’t realise that it’s not just the parents signing up for foster care, it’s the kids, too, and you’re shouldering a lot of responsibility at a young age. You captured all those layers of confusion, frustration, joy, and love perfectly. It’s a reminder that, even when it’s challenging, opening your heart to new siblings can create bonds that last a lifetime.
Absolutely love your honesty and perspective! You also totally made me cry! ❤️ You and HB have always carried yourselves so well. Thank you for sharing your side! You are clearly not alone and your honesty can be so helpful to others in your position.