No, I Did Not Tell A Reporter I Had Sex With Drew Barrymore

Though I fully acknowledge being the one to bring it up (yet again!!! Jesus, Jane!) here. I also have no spouse. Hey Wikipedia, let's clear a bunch of shit up.

By: Jane Pratt

I credit my mom for the wonderful gift of growing up with absolutely no dreams of getting married and less than zero wedding fantasies. I have many times envisioned myself walking down the aisle - to accept the American Society of Magazine Editors award for General Excellence, which I never have been asked to do! But there’s still time! I have an actual dread/fear/maybe even phobia of ever walking down an aisle as a bride, though, with its specific attention/scrutiny/expectation to glow, for something I never understood to be an accomplishment. It sounds like the most pressured and phony and horrific and stressful and yet boring long moment I can imagine.

Do you see the fear in my eyes just being in a store surrounded by RINGS?! Photographer David Belisle lovingly captured this moment and the location is Metal Alchemist in TriBeCa, where I would joyfully wear any of their beautiful rings, just none as a wedding band.

I also wouldn’t trust what someone told me (such as, ugh, “I do”) in that performative circumstance as much as I would trust what they tell me privately. Some people rave about how great it is to get that level of attention for a day, but I feel like I have gotten plenty of attention in my life, mostly through academic achievements in boarding school and college and then through work after. No one needs any more appreciation for a job well done than I've gotten. Thank you all for all the credit over the years. I really appreciate it. But before I turn this into an Unpopular Opinion column about marriage and weddings overall, let me circle back to my point. Thanks for going down that side road with me.

My great big brother Hill (above left) and I started a t-shirt making business in Durham, NC when I was 14. That's the kind of thing I dreamt about when I was not ever fantasizing about wearing a veil or carrying a bouquet. Weddings have always seemed to me like some intricate ritual I would've studied in first year sociology at Oberlin. Not something I would ever think of culturally appropriating to participate in myself.

I only ever considered marriage twice. Once was