Unpopular Opinion: I Think We Should Stop Shaking Hands

Plus: Jane Wants Your Opinion Too, Please

Here I am about to get on the train, where I will definitely sanitize my hands if I have to touch anything or anyone.

Hello Weirdos!

I'm thrilled today to present to you another installment in our newly revived (from XOJane, for those of you who remember that) column, Unpopular Opinion. If you want, send your pitches, or preferably your completed submissions, for this recurring feature to me at jane@anotherjaneprattthing.com. I would love to publish them. And I love you! Enjoy Janine’s!

Jane

By Janine Annett

Back in 1846, Hungarian doctor Ignaz Semmelweis discovered that handwashing in hospitals could prevent infections after noticing that women giving birth in a hospital maternity ward staffed with doctors had higher rates of infection. He attributed this to doctors and medical students performing autopsies, and then transferring “cadaverous particles” into the maternity ward. After Dr. Semmelweis ordered doctors and medical students to wash their hands, the mortality rate plummeted. It took a while for his theory to be accepted (some doctors actually thought water caused disease), but eventually handwashing in hospitals became standard. Now, you’d be hard-pressed to find a hospital or doctor’s office where hand washing isn’t mandatory.

During the initial months of COVID-19, even those of us who weren’t about to go into a maternity ward after touching a corpse learned to wash our hands regularly—and to use hand sanitizer if soap and water weren’t available (I don’t mean to sound like one of those people who say they liked a band before it was cool, but I’ve carried hand sanitizer around with me everywhere for years, even pre-COVID, and I still do!) My son learned to scrub his hands so well, he looked like he was Doogie Howser, MD. Handshaking wasn’t quite as popular during this time. For a while, the elbow bump was trending. I liked that. But handshaking seems to be back now—and I don’t think it should be.

At this point, everyone (not just Hungarian doctors from the 1840s) knows that clean hands are the key to stopping the spread of germs. Of course, COVID-19 still exists, plus we’ve got colds, influenza, and norovirus raging in many places. And yet…people are still regularly encouraged to shake hands with one another in the name of "politeness.”

Proof that dog germs don't bother me the way human germs do.

Usually, you’re not shaking hands with someone you know well. You’re expected to shake hands with someone you’re meeting for the first time—a stranger. But how are you supposed to know where those hands have been? Maybe that person has a cold and just blew their nose, didn’t wash their hands, and then shook your hand. I often try to discreetly sanitize my hands after shaking hands with someone, but sometimes this just isn’t possible. But if I have had to shake hands with someone and can’t clean my hands right after, it’s all I can think about.

I know we all need the human touch, especially in an age of increasing isolation. But do I have to touch the (potentially unwashed) hand of a stranger? I would really rather not. The worst is when I’m in a situation where we’re about to eat and I have to shake hands with someone. You expect me to touch your hand (that’s been who knows where and done who knows what) and then put my own hand near my mouth, covered in your hand germs? As my son once said when he was a toddler and my husband and I tried to get him to try an unfamiliar food in a restaurant, “No thank you! I SAID, NO THANK YOU!”

Me, about to go socialize/sanitize at a fancy event.

If I know you well, we can hug. No problem. Besides, my good friends all know that I’m a germophobe (with a special subset of also being an emetophobe) and they understand this. As soon as someone tells me they or someone in their household hasn’t been feeling well, I back away like a GIF of Homer Simpson retreating into the bushes.

But try saying to someone you just met, “It’s nice to meet you. When was the last time you washed your hands?” It just doesn’t fly in most situations. I would much rather give someone a friendly, respectable wave from a reasonable distance, but for some reason that is often not socially acceptable.

So if I’m meeting you for the very first time, I will probably be genuinely pleased to meet you. Most of the time, I enjoy meeting new people. I like talking to people and learning about them (I like to say that if you leave me in a room with someone for twenty minutes, I’ll know their family history, career path, food likes and dislikes, biggest trauma, political opinions, and most fervent wishes for the future). But please, I would love it if we could just not shake hands—unless I see you pull out a bottle of hand sanitizer first and use a generous amount to sanitize your hands thoroughly. Then, I will shake your hand with enthusiasm. But if that’s not the case, please keep your hands to yourself. I, and the other germophobes of the world, will thank you.

In my comfort zone (at home, with a bottle of soap).

I hope we as a society can one day agree to do away with the antiquated practice of shaking hands. Let’s not seal the deal with a handshake. I think a nod will suffice.

Janine Annett is the author of the humor book I Am “Why Do I Need Venmo?” Years Old. Her writing has been featured in The New York Times, The New Yorker, The Wall Street Journal, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, Real Simple, and many other places.